Bean's Heart (Hearts of ICARUS Book 7) Read online

  “I remember,” Thorn said, scowling at the memory. “He’s been working in maintenance, latrine duty.”

  “He and the waiter became bitch buddies,” Tee said.

  “What’s that mean?” Thorn asked.

  “It means both of them blamed Ria for their predicaments so they spent a lot of time together bitching about her. They concocted a plan to get even by getting into her room and beating her up. Maybe break a few bones, mark her face, that sort of thing.”

  Talon’s eyes started to glow but Tee shook his head. “No need to get upset, Brother. Let me finish.” Talon nodded sharply.

  “Greenway stole the lock code we gave engineering to use so they could install things while Star and Ria were out. When the idiot waiter suggested that they kill Ria, Greenway balked. He was afraid we’d send him through the nearest air lock if they went that far. He didn’t think we’d actually kill him just for hurting her and scarring her face.”

  “He’s a moron,” Thorn growled. “He tried telling Declan that since he didn’t know who Ria was, that he wasn’t to blame for grabbing her.”

  “Well, the moron is no more,” Tee said. “Yesterday, as they were preparing to put their plan into motion, the idiot waiter told Greenway that he wanted to kill not only Ria, but Star, and the cubs, too. Greenway refused, so he stabbed him in the back several times, took the door code, and stuffed him into a closet. By the time they found him about an hour ago he’d been dead for several hours. But, he lived long enough to leave a message on his hand terminal detailing what I’ve just told you, and pointing the finger at the idiot waiter. The worst part is that the message was addressed to me, but he died before he could actually send it.”

  “That’s it,” Talon growled. “I’m going to ask Lady Vari to read the mind of every damn person on this ship.”

  “I won’t argue with that,” Thorn agreed.

  “I’ll be back in a couple of minutes with coffee,” Tee said, heading for the door.

  “Grab some of those pastries Ria likes,” Talon said. Tee nodded and left.

  “We need to reset the locks on this door, and Star’s door,” Talon said. “From now on, no one gets into either room without one of us present.”

  “Agreed,” Thorn said as he finished getting dressed. “I’m going to make sure the cleaning people got every drop of blood cleaned up in there. I don’t think Ria or Star need any reminders.”

  Chapter 4

  Jasan, Two weeks later…

  Bean sat on the grass under a tree, legs crossed, hands resting calmly on her knees. A few yards in front of her a rock larger than her head floated a couple of inches above the ground.

  She carefully moved the rock a couple of feet sideways while keeping it the same distance above the ground, then released a slow breath of relief. That was the first time she’d done that without dropping it.

  “Try raising it up higher,” Saige said softly from behind her.

  Bean didn’t break her concentration to answer her mother. She continued focusing on the rock, which began to move upward. It wobbled unsteadily and she stopped its movement. When it stabilized, she tried raising it higher again. It rose another two inches, then three inches. Then it started wobbling again. She immediately stopped to steady it, over compensated, lost all control, and watched as it fell to the ground.

  “Crumpet jam,” Bean grumbled.

  “What was that?” Saige asked with a smile playing around her lips.

  “Crumpet jam,” Bean repeated, her face heating a little.

  “You said that like you were swearing.”

  “I teach third grade, Mom. I can’t exactly use real swear words in front of my students.”

  “That’s true,” Saige said, sitting down beside her.

  “I’m never going to be able to move anything heavy enough for it to matter,” Bean said without inflection.

  After two weeks, Saige had learned to read Bean’s body language well enough to know she was frustrated, even though it didn’t show in her expression. She’d also noticed that her emotions were showing in her eyes more and more.

  “You’ve only been at this for two weeks, Bean. Considering you started off unable to make that rock shift at all, I’d say you’re progressing very rapidly.”

  “Your mother is correct, Bean,” Iffon said from a tree branch over her head. “You can’t force these things. They require practice and patience.”

  “Exactly,” Saige agreed. “You’ve gone from nothing to lifting a rock that you probably couldn’t pick up with both hands. Give yourself a break, baby.”

  “I guess,” Bean said. “I just don’t have much time. Once we’re on the ship, I won’t be able to practice like this.”

  “I’ve been thinking about that,” Saige said. “I’m going to ask that one of the training rooms on the rec deck be set aside for you to practice in.”

  “Won’t that be a big inconvenience?”

  “No, it won’t,” Saige replied. “The training rooms haven’t even been laid out yet anyway, so nothing will need to be changed except the plans. You can practice fine control with small objects anywhere, but you need an area large enough to practice with heavy weights on the ship.”

  “Do you think that’s safe? What if I get angry and end up destroying the ship?”

  “Have you gotten angry since you’ve started practicing?”

  “No, but I’ve gotten frustrated a few times. Like just now.”

  “And it had no effect on anything.”

  “No, it didn’t seem to,” she admitted.

  “You’re not a little girl any more, Bean. You’re an adult now, and you’ve been controlling yourself, your emotions, and your reactions for years. I don’t think you have to worry about suddenly losing control of anything.”

  “I hope you’re right, Mom, because I don’t have a choice. I have to do this.”

  “I know, and that’s another thing. Like you just said, you’re meant to do this. There’s a reason for that, and I don’t think it’s just so you can take the roof off the house.”

  Bean’s lips curved in a very brief reluctant smile. “It’s ironic, isn’t it?”

  “What’s ironic?”

  “I spent my entire life afraid to let this power out, afraid of what it would do. Afraid to let myself feel any strong emotion, particularly anger. Now here I am, trying to use it, and I can barely do anything with it at all.”

  “As you just said, you spent your entire life afraid of it, Bean,” Iffon said. “You pushed it away and buried it deep. You’ve already figured out how to draw it up and start using it. The more you draw up, the stronger you’ll become, but it’s going to take time.”

  “Iffon’s right, Bean.”

  “I know. Oh, I almost forgot. I have something I want to show you.” She reached into her shirt pocket and removed six glass marbles. Two dark red, two bright yellow, and two bright blue.

  “Where’d you find those?” Saige asked, half smiling as she remembered Ria collecting marbles once, long ago.

  “They used to be Ria’s,” Bean replied, and Saige nodded. “She got tired of them when we were about nine or ten years old, and gave them all away. Except for these six. She told me they were meant for me, but I had to promise to keep them forever or I couldn’t have them.”

  Bean rolled the marbles in her palm. “I never played with marbles, nor did I have any interest in them. But when Ria offered these to me, I immediately wanted them more than anything. So I made the promise, and I kept them. I was looking for something to practice control with the other day and found them in my old jewelry box.”

  “I like that story,” Saige said, sensing there was more to it than Bean realized. “Okay, show me.”

  Bean held her palm out in front of her, and focused on the marbles. They rose slowly until they were a few inches from her palm. Bean raised the forefinger of her right hand, pointed it at the marbles, then moved it in a slow circle. The marbles began to shift slowly until they formed a circle
with roughly the same distance between them.

  Taking a slow, careful breath, she made another circle with her finger. The marbles began to turn in unison. They were wobbly at first, but as Bean’s confidence grew, they evened out. She moved her finger a little faster, and the marbles sped up, matching her finger’s speed. Bean glanced at her mother, then back to the marbles. Unfortunately, the lapse in her attention, momentary as it was, sent the marbles falling to the grass in front of her.

  “That was fantastic,” Saige said. “Does moving your finger help?”

  “Yeah, I know it looks dumb, but it helps me focus,” Bean replied as she gathered the marbles together.

  “It’s not the least bit dumb,” Saige said. “The problem with these psychic abilities we all have is that there’s no specific way to use them.”

  “I’m not sure I understand what you mean.”

  “Well, Aunt Aisling can teach you to throw a knife, or a sai. But she can’t teach you how to read in every language because it’s something only she can do, and she doesn’t even know how it works. We all have to figure out what our abilities are on our own, and we have to figure out how to use them on our own, too. If using a finger helps you focus, there’s nothing wrong with that.”

  “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

  Saige watched as Bean put the marbles back into her pocket. “I have an idea,” she said, glancing at the ground around where they sat. She gathered several small rocks into her hand. “Let’s experiment with something.”

  “Okay,” Bean agreed.

  “Try sending this rock from your hand straight at that tree over there. Just hit the trunk.”

  Bean took the rock and placed it on her palm. She hesitated, then raised her other hand and pointed one finger at it. She swung her finger away from the rock to the trunk of the tree about five yards away. She was more surprised than either her mother or Iffon when the rock left her hand, traveled in an almost straight line to the tree, smacked into the trunk, then fell to the ground. It didn’t move very fast, or hit the tree very hard, and it had wobbled back and forth several times, but the fact that she’d hit the tree at all stunned her.

  “That was great,” Saige said with a huge smile.

  “I can’t believe I did that,” Bean said softly.

  Saige caught the surprise and excitement in Bean’s eyes. “Do you want to try it again?”

  “Yes,” Bean said reaching for the rock Saige was holding out to her. Again she held it in the palm of her left hand, pointed her right finger at it, then to the tree. Off it went, just like the first one.

  “I notice that the rock seems to be moving at the same speed as your finger,” Saige said, handing her another rock.

  “Let’s try a little faster then.” Bean held the rock, pointed her finger at it, then moved it toward the tree much faster. Too fast, she realized when the rock flew off her hand and dived for the ground before it’d gone three feet.

  “Again?” Saige asked, holding out another rock.

  Bean nodded, taking the rock. She thought a moment, then pointed at the tree trunk first. Then she moved her finger to the rock before swinging it back to the same position. The rock flew toward the tree, moving much slower than the last one, but faster than the first two. It still only got about half way to the tree before it dropped to the ground, though.

  “This will take some practice, but I think it’ll be worth the effort,” Saige said, then narrowed her eyes when she saw Bean reach up to rub her temples with her fingertips. “That’s enough for today,” she decided, tossing the last couple of rocks away.

  “I should try this again.”

  “No,” Iffon said before leaving the tree and soaring down to stand on the grass in front of Bean. “I always sensed power in you Bean, but now that you’re opening yourself to it, I realize that there’s far more than I suspected. It will take time and effort for you to learn to use it, as your mother says. But you must listen to the signals your body sends you or you’ll cause yourself serious injury. Power such as yours must be handled with both respect and caution.”

  “He’s right,” Saige said. “It’s important to push yourself a little. That’s how you get stronger. But it’s equally important to know when it’s time to stop.”

  “I know you’re right,” Bean said, standing up. She stretched, waited for Iffon to fly up to her shoulder, then started back toward the house. “Throwing those rocks was fun, but I think it’s more important that I practice with bigger, heavier objects.”

  “What is it you’re aiming to do?” Saige asked.

  “I want to be able to destroy a ship if I have to, like you said.”

  “Your fathers and I can do that, but there are four of us, don’t forget. I channel the power to them, and they work together to make it do what they want. There’s only one of you.”

  “I know,” Bean said, her forehead creasing in a quick frown. “But I’m supposed to do something important and I need to be stronger or I’ll fail. I can’t fail, Mom. Not at this. I just can’t.”

  “Is that what worries you?” Saige asked. “The thought of failing?”

  “Yes,” Bean admitted. “I know it’s my own fault that no one ever trusted me to do much more than stay out of trouble. I walked around with a big smile on my face most of the time, never arguing, never having an opinion, always agreeing with whatever was going on around me. I worked so hard at not feeling anything all the time that it took me years to figure out that everyone ended up thinking I was a little slow. Or, as Iffon says, the village idiot.

  “Now I’m supposed to do something really important and I don’t even know what it is. All I know is that my sisters will be counting on me and if I fail, they’ll fail too. I can’t let that happen, Mom. I don’t care how hard I have to work or what I have to do. No matter what, I just can’t let my sisters down again.”

  Saige placed one hand on Bean’s shoulder, gently urging her to stop. “Listen to me, baby. This is really important.”

  “Okay.”

  “Chaos came in here without us knowing, or even suspecting the danger,” Saige said, ignoring the stinging in her eyes and the lump in her throat that made it hard to talk. “It made itself at home and messed with the lives of our precious baby girls. Your fathers and I will never forgive ourselves for letting that happen, but what’s done, is done.

  “What matters now, what’s most important right now, is that you and your sisters know and understand that that’s what happened to you. Chaos intended to separate you from one another. It intended to isolate you, to pull you apart and make each of you alone in ways you weren’t meant to be. Its goal was to weaken you. To make you doubt yourselves, your abilities, and each other. It wasn’t your fault, or Ria’s, or Vari’s that it happened. It certainly wasn’t your fault that it succeeded as well as it did.

  “But this fight isn’t over, Bean. You and your sisters got knocked on your asses, there’s no denying that. But Vari and Ria have gotten back on their feet, Bless the Creators, and now it’s your turn to do the same.”

  “The wisdom of one’s mother is not to be taken lightly.”

  “No, it’s not,” Bean agreed while she took a deep calming breath, reminding herself of her determination to be honest with her parents about how she felt and who she was. “I understand what you’re saying, Mom, and I agree with you. I really do. But I’m the weak link in the chain. I always have been.”

  “What do you mean?” Saige asked, the emotion in Bean’s eyes making her heart ache even though she couldn’t see a trace of it on her face.

  “I did okay with tiketa when I was really small, but I was never good at it. The older I got, the worse I got. I tried other martial arts when I was away at school, trying to find something I could be good at, but I eventually accepted that it was wasted effort. I can run, but that’s all I can do. I’m weak, I’m uncoordinated, I can’t throw, or catch, or hit or kick or block or anything like that. If you put a weapon in my hands the one person I’m
most likely to harm is myself. Making those rocks hit that tree just now is the first time in my memory that I’ve ever thrown anything further than a foot or two away and actually hit what I was aiming for.

  “I’m an absolute failure at everything Lobos are known for, Mom. I don’t know how to do anything that could possibly help anyone above the age of ten. Yet here I am, without a single skill to my name, and I’m supposed to somehow help my sisters.”

  This time Saige couldn’t hold back the tears no matter how hard she tried. The pain in Bean’s eyes, and in her voice, was just too strong, and too deep. She reached out and hugged her daughter tightly as she thought back through the years, wondering why she’d never seen this before. Why had she never sensed it? How could she have missed something so obvious and so immense in not only Bean, but Ria as well?

  Lariah’s voice in her mind reminded her of the answer. Chaos. Saige sighed quietly while she stroked Bean’s hair with one hand and wiped her own tears with the other. Her maternal heart refused to let her blame Chaos for all of it. But she had to make sure that her daughter did.

  Bean needed a safe place to put the blame and the anger and all the other negative emotion that she didn’t seem to realize she was carrying around. She’d pushed it down for years, but she’d never released it. If she didn’t let it go, the sheer weight of it was going to prevent her from going forward the way she needed to.

  Saige gave Bean one more gentle squeeze and stepped back, looking up into her daughter’s eyes. She arched a questioning brow and waited. After a few moments Bean nodded, indicating to Saige that her message had been received.

  “Chaos?”

  Saige smiled, her relief so strong she had to close her eyes for a moment to hide it. “Of course Chaos,” she replied. “You have to understand and remember that your feelings of self-doubt and fear were put there by Chaos. It’s not real, Bean. It never was.”

  Everything inside of Bean went still and quiet as her mother’s words exploded in her mind. The idea that the weakness and inadequacy that had permeated her entire life wasn’t real was more than startling. It was unfathomable.